January 2008 ARCHIVE
Resolved: Be More Like Madea

The New Year is upon us. Like many I have given consideration to my New Year’s resolutions. I have one failed resolution that I have made over and over for many years. It goes something like this: this year, I will not be so outspoken.

Age, old age, is an excuse for many things: you can talk to people on elevators without being arrested, flirt with young men for the fun of it, and give advice no one listens to or cares to hear.

Last year, I resolved to share my opinions only with my dogs, Sassy and Jipper. I think that resolution was broken by 9:45 am January 2. This year I am dispensing with any resolutions. Even, my favorite January resolution which is to resolve to exercise on a regular basis. I can’t keep this one either, though, I did set out on a brisk walk once this past October. If you count rolling out the garbage can on Thursday, well, I semi-completed this resolution.

Resolutions work like this with me. They irritate my dogs and just thinking about them makes me irascible. At my extended age changing a stubborn personality like mine is like trying to teach a pig to sing. It is not that I don’t believe in resolutions. I do. I am just too old, too impatient, and too head strong. Also, I have reached an age of freedom, an age of crankiness.

And speaking of cranky, I am so tired of developers who have chopped down acres and acres of trees and emaciated our community. One new developer has recently destroyed approximately 30 acres of pine trees. Tore them out of the earth, one by one. These pine trees were planted in the 1940s by Will Sherrill, one of Shuffletown’s dearest characters. This act of clearing acres of trees is what I consider a “crime against nature and our community.” This makes me cranky.

Age, old age, is an excuse for many things: you can talk to people on elevators without being arrested, flirt with young men for the fun of it, and give advice no one listens to or cares to hear. If I feel like it…I will wear unmatched shoes and odd clothing, but I promise to never show my belly button.

I have pretty much acted like this most of my life, but now I am older and I have an excuse. I can wear funny hats and sleep on the couch until 3 am, if I feel like it. Aging is good. Recently, I kept showing a police officer photos of my grandchildren while I searched through my purse for my driver’s license. This action garnered me a warning, not a speeding ticket.

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